Jar Full Of Hearts

Dear readers, if you still remember, I conducted a simple survey last month - Do You Believe Love At First Sight? I personally would like to thank to those who participated in the survey. Not that many but still, the responses were precious to me. Thanks so much for taking your time to answer :)

I should have written about this once the survey ended but I was occupied with other commitments. But not to worry, the survey will not go to waste for sure. I indeed intend to write about it, and who doesn't love the subject of love? *dreamy mode*

Phrases like "love is in the air", "love is blind" and "till death do us part" show that how love greatly impact us as human beings. We cannot live without love, as how we cannot live without air. I am not surprised if some may snort upon reading this statement with expression like "How cheesy. I can live without love and I'm independent" or in Malay "Eeeii geli lah baca ayat dia ni, macam poyo jer! Mencik!". Well, ok let me ask you this. Weren't you born from love? *making 'duh!' face*

So when more respondents declared 'Yes' as the answer for the survey question, I was in awe. Wow. Seriously, I envy you guys. You guys must have met the love of your life in a glance with full of love! How amazing.

Not to mock my fellow readers who answered 'Yes' because I truly respect your life choices, but it is just different for me. I personally do not believe in love at first sight. Well, to have crush on someone at first sight is possible but love? 

I believe I had my first crush when I was very, very little (around 5 years old). Very young huh? Yes, I thought the same too but it just happened and it was nothing anyway. I remembered I followed my mum to one of our neighbour's house. While my mum was chatting with our lady neighbour, I noticed her son was sitting on a bench in front of the house, reading a book diligently. He was in high school I guess. With pleasant facial features, proper combed hair, spectacles and a book in his hands, I have no idea why but I was just mesmerised with the whole visual. I couldn't stop staring at him. He probably noticed that I kept staring at him which after a while, he looked at me, had a second pause and gently smiled! Oh that feeling. Can you imagine? My heart melted immediately. I blushed and felt embarrassed after that for my action. I just smiled sheepishly to him in return. 


That was the only memory I had about this person and we have not met after that until about two years ago when I saw him at our neighbourhood. I just looked from far. He didn't notice me and I was very sure he did not remember me at all. It's alright. I was not hurt at all. Well, after not seeing this person for decades, let's just say he looked irrelevant to what I first saw when I was 5. I quietly smiled to myself but deep inside my heart, I was laughing out loud wondering what was I thinking back then??? But hey, in my defence, he looked pretty descent and quite good looking when he was young.

So yes, that is my little crush story. I had relationship which began with crush before, but it didn't last long. We separated and moved on with our lives afterwards. The truth is, I have never experienced love at first sight. I don't know how it feels like. So readers, is it fair for me to say that I do not believe in it because I have not experience it? Or is it because of my unsuccessful experience with crush-to-relationship that made me sort of denying it? In fact, based from this experience, I had actually make a point to really know someone well or be friends with the person first before moving on to the next level of relationship.

To me, the world is like one big jar with billions of heart shapes in it. The heart shapes represent us, the human beings. It comes in various pink-reddish shades and tones. The sweet pink represents normal feeling, either waiting or seeking for love. The hot pink represents the beginning of love with much fondness of the partner. Flaming red represents the feeling of passionately in love. The ultimate feeling of true love.

Nevertheless, in between the billions of vibrant heart shapes, there are also pale pink hearts, which represent sadness or loneliness. The heart shapes broken into two, which mean the heart-broken feeling. Don't be surprised to come across with black hearts too, which represent total hatred or resentment.

It is just one unique jar with various colours of heart shapes. Pretty subjective to describe everything in it. It is intense with different level of emotions.


Although I had made a point to be friends first and etc, I will not lie to myself. There is one tiny part in me feeling curious to know the feeling of falling in love at first sight. Will that ever happen to me?

Maybe it will. Maybe we will get to see another two heart shapes in the jar turning to flaming red from the strike of love at first sight.


Who knows?

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" - Lao Tzu (Image taken from popchassid.com)